Lilac Luna Journal

Forgot to share this from my birthday last week...I guess that I could call this a collaborative creative project since I shared that for my birthday that I wanted a heart-shaped cookie cake with a positive message written on it, Jamie decided to have them write OM MANI PADME HUM in sanskrit (though is this really sanskrit?) and decorate it with lotus flowers, and the guy at the cookie place actually did it. This is the best birthday cake I've ever had.

Struggling with depression lately and am tired of listing all the contributing factors....wish I could be a normal happy person....are there any normal happy people? Or do most people pretend to be happy much of the time? Some things that I've decided: It's not a good idea to sit and over-analyze all the things that I'm unhappy about and come up with lists of things that I need to achieve in order to be happy and wait for those to come to fruition and to try to bring them to fruition without any clear plan other than being weepy and feeling sorry for myself and hoping someone will come and rescue me.

A better plan: notice and appreciate all of the things that are good in my life and accept those things that are less than perfect and have visions of what I want my life to be and have a clear plan and take positive, productive steps towards that ideal but also not forgetting the first thing of being happy with what's already in my life....basically learning to be happy now and loving myself and my life for the way that it is right at this moment.

Everything is all as it is meant to be. I just need to accept these feelings and wait for them to pass so that I can get out of this funk.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be turning 33. One of my annual birthday traditions is to take time to journal and figure out what I want my goals to be for the next year. So for each area of my life, here's what I got:
1. Self-love: Through a combination of positive thought and positive change, learn to love my life and love myself!
2. Health: Carry mindfulness throughout my day (and no negative thinking!)...and use journaling to help with this.
3. Spirituality: Savor the books that I read on spirituality and self-growth and keep track of these and what they inspire me to do.
4. Beloved: Make a plan for how to handle conflict and keep a log of how I'm doing.
5. Jenya: Journal about what I think makes a good parent and pick qualities to focus on and apply.
6. Family/Community: Make the decision to complete forgive, accept, understand, and love every member of my family.
7. Creativity: Make time for creativity and solitude and document creative endeavors on my blog.
8. Livelihood: Change to teaching part-time Kindergarten next year and be more mindful with my spending.
9. Purpose: Journal about what this is and post my realizations.




So with respect to my creativity goal, I'm going to make sure to make time for creative solitude every week and use this blog as my way of keeping track of this. Today I worked on making a mind-map of my goals in my journal and also worked on altering a book so that it has a secret hiding place in it.

This weekend we went up to Mackinac Island for a mini-vacation with relatives. Things that I liked about it included being able to spend the whole day without our cars, getting there by boat and getting around on bike and all the free fudge samples. Spending time with relatives creates opportunities for spiritual practice and growth and long drives gave us the opportunity to listen to motivating podcasts. The hotel had a pool and a hot-tub and free cable on which we were able to watch Scrubs. I spent time reading the Dhammapada while waiting for people to see the sights and practiced the art of non-attachment as I'm learning to let my son make his own choices, even if different from what I would want for him.

Reading SARK's book "Make Your Creative Dreams Real" inspired me to make a list of my creative dreams:
*Teach Kindergarten again
*Teach part-time so that I'll have time for all my other interests
*Get a motorbike
*Learn a foreign language in a foreign country
*Learn how to use Art/Photo software for creative fun
*Start painting walls again
*Finish yoga school
*Love everything about the way that I look

The one I am currently focusing on manifesting (for next school year) is teaching part-time Kindergarten again. I worked on a collage...it actually sort of created itself, but it does serve to remind me of what my intentions are. It has photos that symbolize someone living their dreams in balance and photos that remind me of working with kids in the classroom.